Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
