but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
