fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
you never un-have a 4some
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
