Plan B is the new Plan A
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
