I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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