u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
