I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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