Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
