I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
ttyl tear gas
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
