hell yes lets make some ravioli
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize