a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
