I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize