i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
