people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
