Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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