wanna go halves on a baby?
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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