I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
It's never too late to be topless.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
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