at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
