oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize