My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
