you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
you will always have a special place in my vag
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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