Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Mom said you looked used
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
My vagina is officially offended.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Randomize
