Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
