At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
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