Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
