Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
