we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Randomize
