he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
people are starting to question the shark bite story
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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