I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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