Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
