so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
If I die, sorry about rent.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
