oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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