she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
