My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
