jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
