Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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