Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Don't make out with my wife yet
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
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