watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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