I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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