are you still at the devil's house?
its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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