that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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