She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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