i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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