Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
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