Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
