Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
