On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
