Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
