also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
