Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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