i just wanna soil my oats bro
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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