Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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