Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
