is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
