I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
