We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
