so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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