how can u be prego again
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
