I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
