i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Randomize
