I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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