College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
