You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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