Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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