You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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