She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
