(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
