Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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