just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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