it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I did not marry a roomba.
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